The Written Word series
by ohajikigal
Summary: How I think things should have happened after Tabula Rasa
1. Broken

Broken  
Author: dword  
Rated: G  
Disclaimer: Joss, UPN, Fox, Mutant Enemy, etc own all, I own nothing (even my car belongs to the bank) I'm just borrowing...  
Dedication: To Jac and Tag, thanks for the encouragement and the sneak peek. To Dennis for what almost was. To Arkin for being such a dear friend. To JBG for her AU in the Buffyverse. To Koala for Matched Set.  
  
Author's Note: Just want to warn everyone that is expecting Smoochies or mushiness... Sorry this is kinda angsty. Been in an angsty mood lately.  
  
********  
  
"What are you going to do Buffy?" Xander asked as they sat together on the couch in the training room. "Are you just going to let him leave?"  
  
"Let him leave?" she replied softly. "He's determined to go. For my own good."  
  
Buffy, unable to sit still any longer, popped up off the couch and began pacing. Xander waited for her to burn off some of her aggitation before he continued their conversation.  
  
"If YOU tried hard enough you could get him to stay..."  
  
Buffy realized Xander was right. She realized that he saw the the truth she was afraid to admit. If she admitted it, then she would have no one to blame for the emptiness in her heart that would be there after Giles left. With a heavy sigh and resignation evident throughout her body she returned to her place on the couch next to Xander.  
  
"You're right Xander, I could make him stay." She took his hands in hers and continued, "MAKE him stay. Be selfish Buffy and make him stay.I could but for whose good would that be? I could keep him around and use him as a crutch... let him handle all the unpleasant things I don't want to deal with, let him take responsibility for my life and Dawn's. And he'd do it...Because he cares for me... and Dawn he'd do it, and anything else I asked of him. But like he said I need to do this on my own. I'm not a child anymore. And he deserves so much more than that."  
  
Buffy took a deep breath, forced back the tears that threatened, and gave Xander a small weak smile.   
  
"He's given up so much for me, lost so much. He deserves to be happy, to have a real life. And I want him to have that. I want so much for him. I don't think he will ever find any of that here on the Hellmouth. If I let him go maybe he will. At least he will be safe... Oh Xander! I need him to be safe! He would never be safe with me. This way at least he has a chance..."  
  
Xander watched as a single tear tracked down her cheek. He gave her hand a squeeze in understanding then got up to leave.  
  
"OK, Buffy. I get it. I'm going to go pick up Dawn at school, what are you going to do?"  
  
"What he wants me to... Grow up, live, get it right this time... make him proud..."  
  
She waved goodbye as Xander left and closed the door to the alley, then she finished, "And love him 'til I die."  
  
*******  
  
Spike and Giles stood in the the front of the store and watched from the shadows as the Slayer fell on the couch and sobbed her heartache.  
  
Spike turned to the Watcher and said, "Well Rupes, let me be the first to congratulate you."  
  
"Excuse me?"  
  
"You have accomplished what the Master, Angelus, the Mayor, Adam, me in my heyday, and Glory the Hell God couldn't."  
  
"What?!?"  
  
"You broke her."  
  
END 


	2. Dear Giles

Dear Giles   
Rating: G  
Author: dword  
(sequel to Broken)  
Spoilers: Tabula Rasa and Smashed  
Disclaimer: Joss, UPN, Fox, Mutant Enemy, etc own all, I own nothing (even my car belongs to the bank) I'm just borrowing...   
Dedication: To Koala for 'Matched Set' totally awesome sweetie! To Gail yes I did get sequel requests, you cursed me to get back for all the times I asked for more. To everyone that wanted more angst.  
  
*=*=*=*=*  
  
Giles stepped out onto his porch to pick up the morning paper. He stopped to enjoy the crisp cold morning air. He noted the differences between morning in Bath and Sunnydale. As he was turning to go back inside he noticed the postman coming up his walk with the daily mail and waited.  
  
"Good morning Mr. Brennan. Lovely day." Giles greeted the letter carrier.  
  
"Good morning Mr. Giles. You seem to have a rather large following in the States. Quite a bit of mail this morning," said Mr. Brennan as he handed a sizeable stack of mail to Giles. "Hope is all good news."  
  
Giles accepted the packet and as he turned to go back inside he flat he began to sort through it. Advert, advert, post from the Council... and 5 letters and 1 thick, large envelope from Sunnydale. He sat at his desk, poured himself a cup of perfectly steeped tea and began to read...  
  
  
Dear Giles,  
  
I'm sorry I didn't get to say goodbye before you left. I know I haven't known you as long or as well as the others, but since I joined the Scoobies you have been a friend. You have become very dear to me and with all that happened that day, I couldn't handle saying goodbye to you too.  
  
You see, Willow and I broke up and I moved out of Buffy's house that day. BBecause of waht happened that day... the reason we all got amnesia was because Willow did a spell and it went splat. Well I thought you should know. I wish you were here to talk to Giles. She doesn't see the bad. We could lose her...  
  
I really don't understand why you left Giles, but I do trust that you did it for *her*. But it feels like you did it to her and I don't get it.  
  
Please write back. Just because you are thousands of miles away doesn't mean you are any less dear or me any less interested in your life. It won't be the same as sitting at the table in the shop over tea and research, chatting, but I think it will be nice.  
  
We all love and miss you...  
  
Tara  
  
  
******  
  
Dear Giles,  
  
As you can see from the copies of the ledger sheets I have included I, we have been making lots of money! Which is good so Xander and I can pay for the wedding. When we set an official date will you come back and give me away?  
  
So much has happened! Tara moved out because Willow tried to do an amnesia spell on Buffy and Tara but it went *Kerblooey* and included all of us. I recognized the spell after it was broken, well not right after it was broken because you and I were kissing and then we were cleaning... And where did you get so good at kissing and are you good at other things and can you teach Xander. Oh yeah get back on topic Anya. I talked to Tara after everything happened. She is still our friend even though Willow is being stupid with her magic. We both think that it would be to much for Xander to deal with right now. He doesn't really get the magic thing and he is still trying to adjust to you being gone. Again. You are important to him you know. He is upset so we aren't having our usual amout of orgasms. See what you've done?  
  
Well we all miss you. Please write back.  
  
Love,  
  
Anya  
  
  
******  
  
  
Hey G-man!  
  
Geez, I just imagined your 'Don't call me that' glare. I guess that means my inner Xander thinks it's time to retire that nickname. Okay, here we go. Fresh start:  
  
Dear Giles,  
  
How are you? How was your trip? What have you been up to? Are you settling into your new (or is it old) life?  
  
Lots doing here on the bad old Hellmouth. Tara and Willow broke up. Some big fight but no one is talking. So I don't know what's the what.  
  
Anya and I are okay. The shop is doing well and I'm moving up in the construction biz! I just wish you were here to talk to. I don't know if I ever told you but you were the father I wished I had. I could always talk to you, and just by listening you helped me see things clearly. Your quiet support and example over the last 5 years did more to make me the man I am that anything else in all the other years. I kinda need that now. I love Anya, really I do, but whenever I think about being married I get jittery...  
  
Buffy is doing better. She seems to be getting her head together. She and Dawn are finally communicating. Buffy is really getting into her role as Dawn's 'parent'. *Snicker* Dawn is realizing that she has met her match. There isn't a trick Dawn could come up with that Buffy can't say 'been there, done that, perfected it.' On top of that she has channeled her inner Joyce and is getting really good at guilting Dawn. But her best weapon in the war between grownup and teenager is her collection of glares and disapproving glances she learned from you. She took what you said to heart Giles, she is being the grownup and taking responsibility for her life and for Dawn. She finally tracked her father down and went to LA to confront him. She won't tell us what happened (and inquiring minds have tried to find out) but now Hank calls Dawn at least once a week and even came to Sunnydale to see her. The Buffster is doing you proud.  
  
Well, time to go. Miss you. Write back.  
  
Love. Xander  
  
  
******  
  
Dear Giles,  
  
How are you? Hope you are well. I'm doing okay. Although Tara and I broke up. I doing well in school. How are things in England? Are you happy? Do you miss us as much as we miss you? Everyone here is doing well. Buffy and Dawn are good. Xander and Anya too.  
  
Well, later. I miss you.  
  
Love Willow.  
  
Oh! PS... I deratted Amy.  
  
  
******  
  
Dear Giles,  
  
I know we didn't part in the best way possible. With me having a snit and throwing a tantrum. I'm sorry. I thought about what you said and I get it. I'm trying to do what you wanted. I think I'm succeeding. I think I'm getting a handle on this being a grownup thing. Dawn and I are good. We are working on being a family. I've had to put down my stompy foot a few times and she has challenged me but we're working it out. Patrols have been pretty routine but I remain vigilent. (a Giles word)  
  
I have included a check for you to pay back the loan you made me. It won't bounce, I promise. I finally contacted my father. I went to see him and confronted him about his responsibilities to Dawn. Don't worry, I was calm and reasonable. I didn't hit him once. But I won't let him treat Dawn the way he treated Mom and me.  
  
Time to go. But before I do I want to tell you that I will always remember all you've done for me. I never said thank you enough. I never really showed you how important you were to me. How much I valued you. You were the best friend and the greatest partner a Slayer ever had.  
  
Take care of yourself. Be Safe, be happy. Please.  
  
I miss you.  
  
Love always,  
  
Buffy  
  
******  
  
Dear Giles,  
  
I miss you. Really miss you. I sent you bunches of pictures of all of us so you don't forget us. You wouldn't forget us would you? Could you send some pictures of you back? I would like to see what your home looks like. And we don't have many pictures of you here... so take some and send 'em. Okay? Please?  
  
Anyway lots of stuff has been going on. I'm all caught up at school. Buffy the dictator has seen to that. With all her 'Did you do your homework Dawn?' 'No you are not going out on school night Dawn' 'You're not really sick Dawn so get ready for school.' It may sound like I'm complaining but (and you can't ever tell her I said this-cuz I'll deny it) I kinda like it. It makes me feel cared for. And it's kinda funny when she does that glare you used to give her. I mean picture it Giles... She hardly ever uses the 'Pout' anymore. Well that only really worked on you anyway.  
  
Buffy and I are doing much better now. And she is adjusting to being alive again. But there are still some tough moments.  
  
I think she is really lonely. She doesn't date or hang out at the Bronze with the others. She just goes to school, takes care of me, and slays. She doesn't know I know but sometimes at night she cries. She sits by the window looking at the stars and cries. She has one of your old tweed jackets, I don't know where she got it. I think she really really misses you.  
  
That's all for now. I'll write again and you write back. Don't forget the pictures!  
  
Love,  
  
Dawn 


	3. Return to Sender

Return to Sender   
Series: The Written Word  
Author: dword  
Rating: G  
(sequel to Dear Giles)  
Spoilers: Tabula Rasa and Smashed  
Disclaimer: Joss, UPN, Fox, Mutant Enemy, etc own all, I own nothing (even my car belongs to the bank) I'm just borrowing...  
Dedication: To Jac, Ewie, Tag, and my Hunny Bunny. To all the writers that have posted such lovely fic this week. To everyone that sent feedback, it has spurred me on to get this next part out faster.  
  
*-*-*-*-*-*  
  
  
Dear Anya,  
  
Thank you for the ledger sheets. I must say that you really are very good at the retail business. I am extremely happy with the shop's bottom line, as I am sure you are as well. However I just want to remind you that while profit was a primary consideration when I purchased the Magic Box, it was not the * only * factor involved with the decision. Please try to maintain a good relationship with the community. Also be ever watchful of all that goes on. Some small unusual occurrence coupled with the purchase of specific items from the shop could very possibly give you a valuable warning to a major demonic convergence.  
  
I am not criticizing, Anya, just reminding. I trust you. Otherwise I would never have gone into partnership with you. I want you to know how proud and pleased with you I am. I know with patience and a bit of effort you will be able to use the knowledge and experience you have acquired during your many years as a vengeance demon to help and protect those I hold dear. And make no mistake, Anya, that I count you among them.  
  
I would be honored to walk you down the aisle. Just be sure to give me enough time to make my arrangements. Thank you very much.  
  
I look forward to hearing from you again.  
  
Fondly,  
Rupert Giles  
  
*-*-*-*-*-*  
  
Dear Tara,  
  
Please know that there is no need to apologize. I understand completely. It was actually a relief not to have to go through a big goodbye scene again. The first had been painful enough.  
  
It was with great pleasure that I received and read your letter. You are dear to me too. I was sorry to read about your break-up with Willow. Is there no hope of reconciliation? If there is anything I can do to help please do not hesitate to contact me. Day or night - call me. I too am concerned about the path Willow travels.   
  
We can now only wait and hope that OUR Willow will ultimately be able to resist the pull of the dark magicks. It may have been your relationship that brought you to us, but it was YOU that made a place for yourself in our hearts. I consider myself fortunate to call you friend. Your sweet nature and loving heart has been a blessing to us all.  
  
Take care and keep in touch.  
  
With affection and friendship,  
Rupert Giles  
  
  
*-*-*-*-*-*  
  
Dear Xander,  
  
Ha bloody ha! Is that not the expected response to that blasted nickname? Actually I miss hearing you call me that. Don't get me wrong… I miss you not the nickname. I miss your ready smile and your zest for life.  
  
If I failed to make it clear how I feel about you let me correct that oversight now. No true father could be prouder of his son than I am of you. I have watched you grow from a boy, unsure of himself, awkward, saddled with an unfortunate homelife… into a loyal, kind, caring, responsible young man. In spite of everything you have gone through, you are a good man. And it has been an honor to have you in my life.  
  
I can understand you feeling `jittery'. Marriage is a huge step. The most important thing is to be honest, with yourself and with Anya. You must deal with your insecurities not hide them. If you are meant to be together as man and wife you will be. I have all the faith in the world in you, Xander.  
  
Thank you for the news of Buffy and Dawn. It is heartening to know that even though I had to leave, you will be there to keep an eye on my girls. I know that you will give them all the support and love that they may need.  
  
Be well, be safe, and be happy. Keep in touch.  
  
With deepest regards,  
Rupert `G-man' Giles  
  
  
*-*-*-*-*-*  
  
  
Dearest Willow,  
  
Whatever am I to do with you? Did you actually think that by keeping your letter short and sweet that I wouldn't know something was wrong? It is often the things that are omitted that reveal the most.  
  
Congratulations on restoring Amy to her human form. Give her my regards. However I fear that your magic use is taking you down a very dangerous path. I blame myself. If I had been more forthcoming about my past and my own magic use, if I had been a better mentor and friend to you, perhaps you would understand why Tara and I are so very concerned. In the hopes that I may in some small way redeem myself I have enclosed several of my journals. They are my personal diaries from my time shortly before Eyghon to just after my official induction into the Watchers. All my thoughts and feelings are included in these volumes. I kept a record of the thrill and the high of magic use, the horror and the pain as we realized that we had no control, the terror, the horror and the pain as Randall died in my arms. The shame and the ridicule when I returned to Oxford, having to constantly fight the lure of magic, having to do everything twice as well as anyone else to overcome the stigma of my sojourn to the realm of dark magicks; all this is included in these journals. Please read them. I am entrusting you with a very personal part of myself in the hopes that it will help you to avoid the mistakes I made.  
  
Willow please never for a moment, think that there is anything you can do that will make me care about you less. I could not love you more if you were my own daughter and I only want the best for you. If you need to talk, if you need anything promise me you will, night or day, call me.  
  
Please don't freeze your friends out. We all love you and want to help. But you must let us.  
  
Love,  
  
Rupert Giles  
  
*-*-*-*-*-*  
  
Dear, sweet Buffy,  
  
I am sorry for the way I handled things. My timing and the abrupt way I let you know of my plans to leave was very unfortunate. I had to leave immediately before my feelings once again blinded me to what was necessary and made me stay. We both know that if I had given you any real time to react to my news you would have been able to convince me to stay, even against my better judgement. As much as I want to be there for you, I truly feel that I am holding you back.   
  
My first instinct... inclination... whatever you want to call it, is to take care of you, make things easy for you in any way I can. This would be wrong. You need to face your problems on your own, to deal with your life yourself rather than have me do it for you. Only this way can you grow into the strong independent woman that I know you can be. That your mother raised you to be. But I didn't do this just for you. I did this for Dawn as well. You are the only real family that Dawn has. She needs you. She needs you to set an example for her that will help her to grow up with proper values. And to be perfectly honest, I also had to leave for me. You have been pushing me away, putting distance between us and it hurt. I felt like I was an afterthought, a convenience, but not a true part of your life. I realize that you had a lot to deal with but so did I and your withdrawal hurt me. I had to get some distance, some perspective before my feelings for you became affected. I did not want to come to resent you.  
  
I am very proud of how far you have come. How much you have grown. I knew you had it in you even if you didn't. I hear that you are doing well. I am glad that you were able to reach inside yourself and put your stompy foot down to Dawn and with your father. Your mother would be proud too.   
  
I will always treasure the time I spent as your watcher. I think I learned more from you about duty and honor and living than I taught you. You truly are the greatest Slayer that ever was.Please forgive an old man his concern as I request that you be careful. Remember your training and don't try to do it all on your own. Let the others help. I know you still bear some resentment towards them, but they are your friends and they want to help. They need to help. What they did they did out of love.  
  
Yours always,  
  
Giles  
  
*-*-*-*-*-*  
  
Dear Dawn,  
  
Forget you? How does that saying go? "As if!" But I do thank you for the many wonderful photographs. They will be rather helpful as I bore my friends and the other watchers with my many tales of my life in the States. I have also put one of each of you on my mantle. A gallery of my loved ones, so to speak. That lovely one of you and Buffy graces my desk in my office. A man works better when he has photos of his family nearby. At your request I commissioned a friend to take my portrait, I have included several copies in various sizes for you to distribute amongst the gang. Assuming of course they want them. Do not shatter my illusions if they do not. I have also sent you quite a number of snapshots of my home and the surrounding countryside. When I went to London, I took some tourist type shots just for you Peanut. The icing on the cake are some copies of old photos of me in my youth. Perhaps someday I'll tell you the stories behind them.  
  
I am very happy to know that you and Buffy are working things out. You do know that she loves you very much, right? Well, Peanut, she does. She also needs you to show her that you love her just as much. Don't roll your eyes. You know that sometimes she doesn't see things, no matter how obvious we may think they are.So Buffy is trying to use my glare? It must be something since Xander mentioned it as well. Buffy should actually be very good at it. She saw it often enough. And for the record, Buffy was not the only Summers woman to use the `Pout' on me. It was my Achilles heel and you both shamelessly used it to your advantage.Buffy may seem isolated right now, but give her time. She just needs to adjust to being back and to being the grown-up. She has had quite a lot to deal with in the recent past. I'm sure she will be fine.  
  
I really miss you too. I look forward to hearing from you soon.  
  
Love,  
  
Giles 


	4. Miss You

Miss You  
Series: The Written Word   
Author: dword Rating: G   
(sequel to Return to Sender)   
Spoilers: Tabula Rasa   
Disclaimer: Joss, UPN, Fox, Mutant Enemy, etc own all, I own nothing (even my car belongs to the bank) I'm just borrowing...   
Dedication: To Tammy for watching Buffy (and getting hooked) just cuz she liked my fic. To all the BG Nuts. To ??? who told me not to dedicate to her anymore ;p  
Distribution: To Gabi, Dee, theLIST. Anyone else just let me know.  
  
  
Dear Giles,  
  
Anya and I just wanted to let you know that what you wrote, your praise and encouragement, meant a lot. The words were great but the man would have been better. I know how you don't do PDA's, but consider yourself hugged. Anya wants you to know that she is really going to try that patience thing (her words).  
  
I took your advice and sat down with Anya. We discussed my 'jittery' feelings towards the wedding. Seems she has 'jittery' feelings too. That's why she was pushing so hard. We are going to slow down and not rush the marriage part of our relationship. We know we love each other. Now we are going to get comfortable with the idea of spending the rest of our lives together, and all that entails before we jump right to it.  
  
Okay, enough about us. We really wanted to ask you about some disturbing signals we picked up on in your letters. Even though you said you would come back to walk Anya down the aisle we both got the idea that you were saying goodbye. The way you asked us to protect and care for Buffy and Dawn had a very final ring to it. Like you are never coming back. Please tell me I'm wrong. Anya and I will do our best to watch over them but when you come right down to it, we are not what they need. We aren't you. Just like with me you have been more of a father to Dawn than her * real * one. And well, I may have loved Buffy as long (or maybe longer) as you but I can never love her so completely and so unselfishly as you have. You have loved her without judgement, unconditionally, and wholeheartedly. It may have started out as a Slayer/Watcher thing but it is so much more. That is why I don't understand why you said you * had * to leave. She needs you Giles. She is trying so hard to be the person you said she could be, the person you said you want her to be - to make you proud. But she is missing something, like there is an emptiness inside her.There is something missing from all of our lives Giles. You.   
  
We all really miss you.  
  
Love,  
Xander  
  
*-*-*-*-*-*  
  
Dear Giles,  
  
I don't know what you said to Willow in your letter, but for the first time in a long time I am optimistic about her future. A few days after I received your letter she called me. We met and spent a long time talking. Really talking. She admitted that she had a problem and wanted to do something about it. She asked for my help and the help of the others. She apologized, sincerely, not just because that was what she thought I wanted to hear. We aren't back together but that possibility now truly exists. We would like to try therapy and I was wondering if you could recommend someone that understands our situation (you know... magic, vampires, demons, etc). We would prefer to talk to you but since you are gone we will settle for someone you suggest.  
  
We miss you and love you.  
  
Tara  
  
*-*-*-*-*-*  
  
  
Dear Giles,  
  
Wow! Thank you! I never really understood how much you cared for us. I mean, I knew that you cared but I thought it was mostly because we were Buffy's friends. But now I see that we as individuals meant a lot to you. I am overwhelmed by the amount of trust and caring you give to me by allowing me to see your journals By opening yourself to me you have gifted me with a strength and understanding I didn't have before. Reading about your struggles and your pain has opened my eyes enough to recognize that path you feared I was treading.  
  
The use of Dark Magic is an addiction. I see that now. I have talked to Tara. I have been completely honest with her for the first time in a long time. Next I'm going to talk to Xander and Buffy. With everyone's help, I am sure I can learn to control this. And when it gets tough, I'll imagine your sweet encouraging smile (although the real thing would be better). I am sorry I behaved so badly. I'll do better and make you proud.  
  
Love,  
Willow  
  
*-*-*-*-*-*  
  
  
Giles!!!  
  
I can't believe that you wrote that! * Peanut * Geez, how old was I when you started calling me that? LIKE 9!!! Just because I ate myself sick on those darn marshmallow peanuts when you took me to the circus the first time Dad forgot my birthday. Sheesh! Giles I'm not a kid anymore!!! Well okay, maybe you can call me Peanut. Just you. And try not to call me that in front of anyone. I love you Giles and that is still one of the best days I ever had. Just you and me and the circus, you not being reserved guy, being silly for me to make up for my buttheaded Dad...  
  
Oops. Buffy just got home. I'm gonna give her your letter. I'll be back later to finish this...  
  
*********  
  
What did you write her? She cried the whole time she read it. First she got this big old smile on her face and she just sat there tracing her fingers over your handwriting. Then finally she started to read and started to cry. When she was done she just went up to her room. She wouldn't talk to me. Oh God, she playing that song again. She plays it all the time. Do you know this one?  
  
* All at once  
*I finally took a moment and I'm realizing that  
*You're not coming back  
*And it finally hit me all at once  
*All at once   
*I started counting teardrops and at least a million fell  
*My eyes began to swell  
*And all my dreams were shattered all at once  
  
*Ever since I met you  
*You're the only love I've known  
*And I can't forget you   
*Though I must face it on my own  
*All at once I'm drifting on a lonely sea  
*Wishing you'd come back to me  
*And that's all that matters now  
*All at once I'm drifting on a lonely sea  
*Holding on to memories  
*And it hurts me more than you know  
*So much more than it shows  
*All at once  
  
  
Oh man, Giles, writing the words out for you... I finally get it. I know why she cries, I know cuz I want to join her. You're never coming home are you? Why? How could you? What did we do that was so horrible that you never want to see us again, that you would leave your slayer Watcherless?  
  
Do the others know? I don't understand. I thought you were different. I thought you loved me. And I really thought you loved her. WHY???  
  
Dawn Summers  
  
END 


	5. I Have a Plan

I Have a Plan (Part 5 of the Written Word series)  
Rated: G  
Author: dword  
(sequel to 'Miss you')  
Spoilers: Tabula Rasa and Smashed  
Disclaimer: Joss and Fox and UPN etc. own everything, I own nothing. The bank even holds the paper on my car.  
Dedication: To Tammy a new Buffy convert. To those wacky roadtrippers, glad to have you back I missed ya! And of course the Phantom Dedication.  
Author's note: I mention a song it this fic but didn't get specific. If you want to know about it I put it at the end. This song was one of the songs that got me thinking about writing this fic so I wanted to share it with you. But if you hate songfic just stop when you see the 'END' ;-)  
  
*-*-*-*-*-*  
  
The Scoobies, sans Slayer were all gathered in the Magic Box. At Dawn's request, Anya and Xander had set up this emergency meeting. Tara and Willow sat quietly at the table, and even though things were a bit strained, they were talking and really listening to each other. Anya and Xander were assisting the last customers of the evening in anticipation of locking up for the night. Actually they were all just killing time waiting for Dawn to show up. Buffy was going to drop her off before she went on patrol, the cover story being that Tara and Willow were taking Dawn out for dinner and a movie and Dawn was going to be a buffer while Tara and Willow worked on getting their relationship back on track. Everyone's nerves were on edge, no one had missed the urgency in Dawn's voice when she had called this meeting. That it had followed on the heels of Giles' letters had not escaped anyone's notice.  
  
Everyone had been working so hard on not thinking about that, that they were startled by the bell over the door jingling as Buffy entered with Dawn. Buffy wore the 'non-expression' that they had become accustomed to and Dawn looked slightly irritated as she did more often than not.  
  
"Buffy, I'm going to be with our friends for a couple of hours and then they are taking me right home..." Dawn sighed. "I'll be fine. Sheesh, overprotective much?"  
  
Buffy reached over and tucked a strand of hair behind Dawn's ear and with a small, sad smile said, "I know munchkin. Sorry, I know you'll be fine. It's just that you're all the family I have left and I can't lose you too..."  
  
Dawn launched herself at her sister and the two shared a hard hug and a tear slipped from each of them. The gang watched, all a little emotional. The two sisters pulled themselves together and slowly released each other and turned towards their friends. Hoping to break the mood that had fallen around them all Willow jumped up and started to babble.  
  
"There now, none of that. This is girl's night out! Are you sure you don't want to join us Buff? After patrol, I mean. Big fun brewing... Chick flicks, Mochas, ice cream, fattening food, guy bashing. An evening not to be missed..." With the gang all looking at her with stunned expressions her babble came to an abrupt halt.  
  
"Sorry, Willow. Sounds like fun, shame I'm going to miss it. I had already planned on doing a really thorough patrol to check out a few rumors I heard. But maybe you should skip the Mochas. You seemed to have already met your quota of caffeine," Buffy said, not having noticed everyone else's reaction to Willow's slip.  
  
"Heh heh," laughed Xander. "Hyper-Willow... scarier than an apocalypse."  
  
"Well, now that I'm here, let's decide on where we'll eat and what movie we're going to see." Dawn turned back to Buffy, "You'd better get going and check out the baddies..."  
  
"Ok, going now. Have fun. See ya later." With that Buffy left the shop.  
  
"Geez, Willow. What were you thinking? Chick night was a cover for Dawn's Scooby meeting. What would you have done if Buffy took you up on your offer?" Xander questioned his friend, still a little wigged by their close call.  
  
"Stop Xander," Anya said with surprising sensitivity. "Willow saw how upset Buffy was and in her concern she got a little carried away. Buffy seemed so sad. It's hard to watch without trying to cheer her up."  
  
"Thanks, Anya." Willow sent her best friend's fiancée a small smile.  
  
Tara came over and tentatively took Willow's hand in her own. "It's hard for all of us. She's been so sad since Giles left."  
  
"Yeah, sorry, Wills." Xander sent Willow a goofy grin, which immediately turned into a frown. "Sad Buffy is kinda hard to take, especially since it seems like Giles isn't coming back... ever."  
  
"That's exactly why I called this meeting. After I read his letter, I got the feeling he was never coming back." Dawn started wringing her hands and looked around the room; desperately hoping someone would tell her she was wrong.  
  
"Oh no!" Willow exclaimed, sadness clearly written on her gamin features. "Tara and I talked about it. We were hoping we were overreacting. He was saying goodbye! He's never coming back."  
  
After speaking the unspeakable Willow began to cry softly. Tara gently took her in her arms and tried to soothe her. Over Willow's shoulder she looked at each of her friends each in their own state of grief. Xander's lip quivered as he fought against the pain, his arm around Anya in comfort. Anya burrowed into his chest, all thought of profit and counting her money driven from her head. Tara realized that tears were slipping from her eyes and down her cheeks. It was Dawn who was first to shake off her grief. With typical Summers determination she turned to the others and spoke up.  
  
"Well it's wrong and we are going to fix it!"  
  
"Dawnie?"  
  
"Tara, Buffy needs Giles, we all need Giles, so we have to think up a way to MAKE him come back."  
  
"We couldn't get him to stay, how are we going to make in come back?" Xander asked.  
  
"I have a plan..."  
  
*-*-*-*-*-*  
  
The mention of plan broke the tension and gave everyone purpose. Everyone went into action, years of Research parties had trained them, and out of habit they went about preparing for their Scooby meeting. Xander ordered dinner then left to pick it up. Anya finished closing the shop and put the day's receipts away to be dealt with later. Tara, Willow, and Dawn cleared the table and set up the chairs. Xander returned and distributed take out boxes and beverages. After everyone was settled and had begun to eat Willow looked at Dawn.  
  
"Dawnie, you mentioned a plan?"  
  
"Yeah Dawnster, what's the what? I hope you're not thinking of getting us involved in anything illegal." Xander tried to keep it light. "However, if it comes to it... I haven't ruled out kidnapping the G-man."  
  
"Nope, no kidnapping," replied Dawn. "But if a plan B is necessary..."  
  
"Dawnie..."  
  
"Sorry Tara. Back on topic, right. Okay, here goes... It all revolves around WHY Giles left. He left because Buffy was relying too much on him taking care of everything for her. At least that's what he said. I think there was more to it than that..."  
  
"He's in love with her," Anya stated succinctly. Willow and Xander stared at her, mouths open in shock. Tara nodded. Dawn smiled.  
  
"Wh... what?" Xander looked at Willow, then back at Dawn and Anya. "Lov... in love...?"  
  
"Oh please Xander. Think about it for a minute. Think about how it was like. Think about all he's done. Or just think back to the way he looked when he came back and he first saw her..."  
  
The proverbial lightbulb went off. First for Willow then for Xander.  
  
Willow reached over and took Xander's hand. "Xander, the way he held her face, called her a miracle, hugged her, the look on his face..."  
  
"I get it Willow. I'm more surprised I didn't get it at her funeral. He was going to sing. He had the song all picked out, but then couldn't go through with it."  
  
"Everything he did, he did with her in mind," Tara added. "He lives for her."  
  
"Only someone that loves her would take all that he has from her." Anya said nodding. "In my day I have granted wishes for lesser offenses than the ones he has tolerated from her. If their genders had been reversed I would have had to do really icky things to Buffy."  
  
"To get back on track," Dawn cleared her throat and continued, "He didn't leave because he was holding her back. He left because it had gotten too painful to be around her. She was so withdrawn... from us and mostly from him. They weren't doing that silent communication thing anymore. She wouldn't touch him. HE knew there was something bothering her but she wouldn't confide in him. It was really tearing him apart."  
  
"Now, after our musical interlude, we know why she acted like that. But the damage had been done and I guess Giles had finally reached his limit. He was wrong to leave but it's kinda understandable. I think that's why he's not coming back. He's afraid to put himself in a position to be hurt again. The thing he doesn't know is that Buffy is in love with him. She won't ask him back..."  
  
"Just like she wouldn't make him stay," Xander said. "She thinks it's best for him to be, not here. She doesn't want to hurt him anymore. She wants him to be safe, out of danger. She doesn't want to be selfish anymore. She's trying to be everything he wants her to be but she won't do anything directly to get him to return. Yeah, you're right Dawnster, she's in love with him too."  
  
"Hey! How do you guys know that?" Willow asked, feeling a bit out of the loopy.  
  
"Buffy and I had a talk, just before he left. Right after the amnesia thing." Xander gave Willow a look that said he held no hard feelings for that disaster. "More like she had a cry and I provided the tissues. She didn't come right out and say she loved him but what she did say proved it. She wants him to be happy and she doesn't think she can make him happy. She doesn't think she is good enough for him."  
  
"I know cuz I found this," Dawn said as she reached into her school bag and pulled out several crumpled pieces of paper. "It's a letter Buffy wrote to Giles. She wrote it right after she got Giles' letter. She wrote it while she was listening to THAT song. She poured out her heart on this letter. She wrote down all her feeling, her thoughts... everything. Then she threw it away. She never intended for him to know how she feels."  
  
"Dawn, if she threw it away what are you doing with it?" Tara asked not without a touch of reprimand in her tone. "What have you done."  
  
"I'm the kid sister. It's what I do, snoop. Actually I went into her room to find that CD with THAT song..." Everyone around the table nodded. They had all been subjected to the playing of that Whitney Houston song, over and over again. Dawn continued, "To find that CD and get rid of it. I really never want to here that song again! Anyway, I decided to empty the garbage to cover my being in her room when I found the letter. After I read it, everything sorta made sense. Well it made sense after I thought about it for a while. So I came up with the plan."  
  
"What did it say?" Willow asked.  
  
"That's private. Between Buffy and Giles."  
  
"No fair! Why should you be the only one to invade Buffy's privacy?" Anya pouted.  
  
"I was wrong to read it and I'm not going to make it worse by passing it around." Dawn answered. "But I am going to send it to Giles. He needs to know how she feels. And hopefully once he does he'll come back."  
  
All the Scoobies thought about it and finally agreed. This could end badly but it also seemed like their best chance to set things right and get Giles back where he belongs.  
  
*-*-*-*-*-*  
  
Dear Giles,  
  
I'm never going to send this but I need to get some stuff off my chest. Since you are never going to see this I can let it all out and be perfectly honest, at least with myself.  
  
Before you left, thanks to that stupid demon Sweet, I let it slip that when the others brought me back they had yanked me from Heaven and returned me to this Hell on Earth. I never meant for them to know. In my head I understood that the guys didn't mean to hurt me. That they were trying to 'save' me. But in my heart I am so angry and hurt. When does someone say 'Good job. Now rest, you earned it.'?. Everything here is so... so... It's too loud, too violent, too bright, too dark, so cold... Giles it hurts to be here.  
  
I know I hurt you by not confiding in you. I know I sort of pushed you away. It was really hard to deal with. I was confused and uncomfortable. When I first came back I had to dig myself out of my grave. And all hell had broken loose in Sunnydale. And I wasn't in Heaven anymore. I couldn't talk to the guys; I couldn't lay that guilt trip on them. I couldn't tell Dawn, she would have freaked. And you weren't here. There were so many expectations... 'We rescued you, be grateful. Demons all around, patrol and slay. Be the grown up. Be the parent. Pay the bills. Talk to the teachers. Fix things. Be responsible. Make us happy. Protect us. Smile. Laugh' I hated it here. And I couldn't go back. I was afraid I never could. Giles, do they let you back in, after you've been expelled from Heaven?  
  
But I tried to make a go of it. I really did. But it was so hard. Then there you were. When I looked up and saw you standing in the doorway, I didn't believe it at first. I mean, I had been wishing for you so hard... I didn't think you were real. Then you spoke and smiled and held me. For the first time since I had been brought back I felt almost comfortable in my own skin. For the first time I was glad to be back. You wrapped your arms around me, I could hear your heartbeat, smell your cologne, feel your warmth and that's when I knew... I loved you, you loved me, we were together again, and it was going to be all right. I wanted to tell you what was going on with me, but I didn't. At first it was because I just wanted to enjoy having you back. Then there never seemed to be a good time to do it. So much was going on and I didn't want to add to your burden. It was bad enough that I had once again took you away from a normal life. First when they went you to me as my Watcher, then when my Angel fiasco destroyed any chance with Ms Calender, then there was that bad first year at college when I ignored you, and again when you really had started over after my death; it seems all I've ever been is trouble for you. But my weirdness grew and you decided to go back to England. Guess I finally pushed you too far.  
  
I bet you think you made a good decision. My reaction after you told me you were leaving should have confirmed that. Well I think your decision to leave was right but your reason sucked. I had been dragged out of heaven. I had been dead! Excuse me if I needed time to adjust. You knew something was wrong but since when don't you try to find out what it was? You used to care enough to confront me or be sneaky to find out. Granted you made your decision before you knew where I was, but you found out before you left. But it didn't make a difference, and it should have. You found out and it didn't slow down your rush to get away from me. That's why I was such a bitch. You were the only thing that made being alive again bearable and you just walked away. If I hadn't been expecting it, I mean all the men in my life leave especially the important ones, I might have really wigged. Actually I was surprised you lasted as long as you did or came back at all. But that's ok. Really. If anyone deserved to have a normal life it's you. If anyone understand the need for normal with all the weirdness we deal with, I do. I let you go (let's be real... I could have stopped you if I had really tried) because I love you. I need for you to be away from here, away from the Hellmouth. I need you to be safe and out of danger. I want you to be happy Giles, and I don't think you ever will be happy with me. I'm too selfish, too stupid about relationships. I'm the one that has hurt you the most and that's saying a lot. And finally, I am the Slayer. I have a short shelf life and I don't think you could watch me die again and survive. So I let you go.  
  
God Giles, it was the hardest thing I ever did. I miss you so much. I'm so lonely without you. I feel. incomplete. I love Dawn and it's good being with her. I feel good about taking care of her. I'm really working on our relationship. I'm really trying. And I love the gang. I have been able to work through most of my bitterness and bad feeling for what they have done to me. We're starting to get back to where we used to be. As a team. It's good. But it's not enough. They're not you.  
  
I miss you so much. Miss teasing you, I miss the way you'd tease me. I miss your 'just for me' smile and the twinkle in your eye when we would tease the others. I miss the way you would let me get away with weaseling out of training because you knew I needed a break. The way you knew what I was thinking without me saying anything and the way we were in sync when we fought monsters together. I miss feeling safe and cared for. I miss my stalwart, standing fast.  
  
I did hear you. I really heard you. But you were wrong; you weren't standing in my way. I was standing in yours. So I had to grow up and step aside. Don't worry Giles I'll remember everything you taught me. I'll make you proud. Even though I've had to give up that hope, that I kept deep in a corner of my heart, that you would come back. I'll be the best Buffy I can be.  
  
I have so many regrets. Not realizing how much I love and have loved you before it was too late, is probably the biggest. Not ever having the chance to show you or have you show me is a close second. Not getting how destructive and impossible my relationship with Angel was and all the badness that stemmed from that relationship is also a biggie. I regret every mean thing I ever said to you. I didn't mean them. I regret every nice thing I never said because I thought you knew. I will never regret letting you go. I'll cry, be lonely, miss you, and dream of you, but I won't regret it. You are safe and alive and you have a real chance at a normal life. How can I regret that?  
  
All my love always,  
Buffy  
  
END  
  
Here are the lyrics for the song Giles was going to sing at Buffy's funeral.  
  
One More Day  
By Diamond Rio  
  
Last night I had a crazy dream  
a wish was granted just for me  
it could be for anything  
I didn't ask for money  
or a mansion in Malibu  
I simply wished for one more day with you!  
  
One more day, one more time  
one more sunset, maybe I'd be satisfied  
but then again, I know what it would do  
Leave me wishing still for one more day with you  
one more day...........  
  
First thing I'd do is pray for time to crawl.  
I'd unplug the telephone and keep the TV off.  
I'd hold you every second,  
say a million I love you's.  
That's what I'd do with one more day with you.  
  
One more day, one more time,  
one more sunset maybe I'd be satisfied.  
But then again I know what it would do  
leave me wishing still for one more day with you.  
  
One more day, one more time  
one more sunset maybe I'd be satisfied.  
But then again I know what it would do  
leave me wishing still for one more day  
leave me wishing still for one more day  
leave me wishing still for one more day with you. 


	6. Season's Greetings

Written Word 06  
  
Season's Greetings Part 6 in the `Written Word' series  
  
Rated: G (sorry, it just worked out that way)  
Author: dword  
Spoilers: Season 6 up to `Tabula Rasa'  
Disclaimer: Joss and company own everything, I own nothing. I'm just borrowing. I promise to put them back where I found them even if they don't want to go.  
Dedication: To Jac and Tag for their help and encouragement. To everyone that wrote feedback, Thanks so much. To Rari, Wenchie, Trich, Karen, and Sandra for writing fic that kept my own writing juices going by making me laugh, cry, growl and go Awww! To Gibberish and Holly... I miss you guys.  
  
Author's note: Happy Holidays!  
  
*-*-*-*-*-*  
  
Xander walked into the Magic Box whistling a Christmas tune. He smiled at Willow and Tara they sat at the research table going over lists and through huge shopping bags. He stopped when he reached Anya, snaked his arms around her waist and kissed the back of her neck.  
  
"So Anya, honey... making a lot of money this holiday season?" he asked. When he heard the good-natured snort from the general direction of the table, he flashed a goofy grin at Willow. She returned it affectionately.  
  
"Oh yes, Xander!" Anya practically bounced as she replied. "We're doing even better than we did Halloween! Between mail orders and all the stuff I have sold to people for gifts... I managed to unload some of the horrible but expensive statues... even after taxes the shop will make a wonderful profit! I'm so happy!" With that final exclamation Anya jumped into Xander's arms and gave him a big, warm smooch.  
  
"I'm very proud and happy for you, honey," Xander said. He then turned towards Willow and Tara and asked, `And how about you too? Have a good day braving the mad rush, known as last minute Christmas shopping?"  
  
"Bravery was most definitely needed," Tara replied. "I think everyone in Sunnydale, demons included, waited until today to shop!"  
  
"But we had a secret weapon, didn't we sweetie?" Willow added.  
  
"Secret weapon?" Xander was more than happy to play straight man to his best friend. It was good to see her happy and more like her old self. It was good to see Tara happy too.  
  
"The Buffy-nator!" giggled Willow. "You should have seen her, Xan! It was like old times. She was great! A hip check here, a little shove there and a path would open up for us to get through. This one very rude guy went sort of flying. He was looking all around for the culprit, never once suspecting tiny cute little Buffy. It took all we had not to burst out in giggles!"  
  
"Oh! Then she used her version of the Giles' Glare on this woman that tried to snatch a bargain right out of Dawnie's hand. She couldn't get away fast enough!" Tara continued as Willow giggled on. "We had a great time. And I think we are finally done."  
  
Chuckling at the mental picture he asked, "So where is the Buffy-nator?"  
  
"In the back," Anya said, slightly distracted from counting money. "I think she said something about working off that Cinnabon (tm) and Mochalatta (tm) she had at the mall. Dawn is back there too."  
  
"Okey-doke. I'll go say hi."  
  
*-*-*-*-*-*  
  
"So the gang is coming over tonight after patrol for hot chocolate and Christmas Eve happies, right?" Dawn asked, as her sister pounded the heavy bag hanging from the ceiling. "And we each get to open one present?"  
  
"Yes, Munchkin. Everyone will be over around 11:30 tonight after Xander and I finish patrol," Buffy answered as she gave the bag one final roundhouse kick. She walked over to the couch where Dawn was seated, picked up her towel and bottled water. After taking a long swig of water she continued, "And yes we are all opening one present. ONE present."  
  
Dawn rolled her eyes and gave Buffy a little pout, "Scrooge! Can I at least pick the one I open?"  
  
"May I. We'll see. If I can't think up a better system, yes you may pick the gift."  
  
"Fine, may I. Sheesh when did you become grammar girl? You do realize that it's winter break, don't you? It's not like you have to correct my homework for a few weeks." Once again Dawn rolled her eyes.  
  
A sheepish grin flashed across Buffy's face. "Sorry, Dawnie. I don't know where that came from."  
  
"Boy, it was like you were channeling Giles. I guess all the times he corrected your grammar finally stuck." At the look of sorrow that passed over Buffy's features, Dawn said, "Oh god, I'm sorry Buffy. I didn't mean to mention him. And they say Anya is tactless! You were so happy today, now you're sad. I am such a butthead!"  
  
"It's ok, Munchkin. It was just a small twinge of the sad buffies. I have to learn to deal. You shouldn't have to walk on eggshells around me. And we shouldn't eliminate him from our lives and memories just cuz he went back to England. Sweetie, he was a big part of our lives for a long time, one of the bestest parts, and we should remember and think about him. It's just that I miss him, you know?" A single tear slipped from her eye and trailed down her cheek. Buffy swiped it away and then opened her arms. Dawn immediately into them and the two sisters shared a warm hard hug.  
  
"Wow, that sounded really mature!" quipped Dawn as she pulled back from the hug and resumed her seat on the couch. "Who are you and what did you do with the real Buffy Summers?"  
  
"Ha ha! Very funny Brat!"  
  
"I thought so, Snot!"  
  
"You would, Pain."  
  
"Meanie!"  
  
Xander walked into the backroom to find the two Summers girls flopped on the couch in a fit of giggles. "What's so funny. Don't tell me that there is Dawnster tickling and I wasn't told!"  
  
"Nope! No tickling!" Dawn squealed as she jumped off the couch out of range from Buffy's reaching fingers. "There will be no tickling of me and that's final!"  
  
Dawn picked up her shopping bags and went out to the front of the shop. Xander took her place on the couch and looked over at Buffy. She was still laughing but there was also still a hint of the melancholy left over from Dawn's earlier mention of Giles.  
  
"So... are you ok? I just came in to find out what the schedule is for tonight but if you want to talk..." Xander let the offer dangle, leaving it up to Buffy. He had learned that pushing was not the way to communicate with Buffy. When she was troubled she would talk when she was ready. The trick was being there when she was ready. To not let her push you away. So he waited.  
  
He didn't have to wait long. Buffy took a deep breath and began, "I'm ok, Xan. Really. We had a great day today. Shopping was the bomb! It's been ages since I stretched my mall muscles! They've sorta gotten out of shape since I became the Slayer. Even more in the last couple of years. Nice to know I still got it!"  
  
"Yeah, Buff. I heard. Willow is calling you the Buffy-nator." The nickname pulled a gigglesnort type sound out of Buffy. "But?..."  
  
"But," Buffy sighed then continued. "Dawnie and I were talking... Something reminded us of Giles... and then I got sad and then Dawn felt guilty but we worked it out. It's just that I miss him so much Xander..."  
  
Xander put his arm around Buffy and she leaned on him fighting to hold back her tears. " I know, Buff. We all do, but we also know you miss him on an even deeper level. Anya and I have each other; Tara and Willow also have each other. You have Dawn but that's not the same. I wish I could do something to help..."  
  
"You are helping, Xander," Buffy assured him with a small smile. "Just knowing I can talk to you about how I feel means a lot. Just knowing that you understand is a comfort. You're a good man. It is getting better. And I am learning to deal. That's something I never really did before. I ignored the problems and the pain before, now I'm facing it... instead of running away."  
  
"Yeah, I see that. It would seem Miss Summers that you are growing up." He dodged a playful smack from the Slayer. And very nicely, I might add... HE would be proud..."  
  
"Too bad he won't get to see the new and improved Buffy of the New Millennium. Too bad he had to leave to make this new me a reality. Geez Xan, I really screwed that up. Well that is of the past! No more oblivious Buffy. From now on my eyes are wide open!" Buffy took a deep fortifying breath and said, "Now no more mopey stuff! `Tis the season, jingle bells, falala, and all that junk! Let's go get something to eat, get patrol out of the way, and start with the opening of prezzies!"  
  
Just then Dawn burst through the door from out front, "Come on guys, I'm hungry!" She threw an exasperated glare at the others. "You are taking forever! We gotta get something to eat, I have to wrap gifts, we need to get the last minute groceries for dinner tomorrow, you hafta patrol, I get to open presents, and can we call Giles tomorrow and wish him Merry Christmas?  
  
"Whoa! Breathe kiddo! Don't worry we were just coming out to get you. What do you want to eat? You shouldn't have waited until the last minute to wrap. I'll pick up the groceries on my way back from patrol... that way Xander can carry the bags. You get to open one present. And yes, I think it would be a nice thing to call Giles. We'll get Willow to calculate the time difference and then when we are all together tomorrow we'll call him. Everyone will get a chance to speak to him... Sound like a plan?"  
  
*-*-*-*-*-*  
  
Buffy pulled her overcoat tighter around herself as she walked up to her house. The temperature had dropped dramatically in the last few hours and it looked as if it might snow. *Weirdness on the Hellmouth* she thought. Just as her foot hit the top of the porch Dawn came racing out the front door.  
  
"Finally! I thought you'd never get here! Come on Xander, leave the groceries for now I'll help you bring them in later. Hurry!" she grabbed Buffy's hand, waved at Xander with the other trying to rush them along. Willow and Tara came out on the porch with huge smiles on their faces.  
  
"You two better hurry. I think Dawnie's going to explode any minute if you don't." Willow laughed. "We got a delivery about two hours, three very large boxes and an big envelope, all addressed to you Buff. Curiosity is boiling up inside of her."  
  
"Yeah yeah yeah," dawn tugged on her sister again. "While you guys are wasting time out here you could be inside opening them up! Come on!!!"  
  
With a chuckle Buffy entered the house and took her coat off. She was just about to hang her and Xander's coat in the closet when Dawn said. "They're from England, Buffy. Forget the neatness first junk and open them for crying out loud!!!"  
  
"England..." Buffy ran her fingers over the packages. "Giles? They're from Giles..."  
  
Xander placed a hand on her shoulder. "Only one way to find out. I think you had better hurry. Dawnster's gonna explode and I don't think you want that clean up job..."  
  
Buffy nodded and began to open the big packages. They were filled with many gift-wrapped boxes. There were some for everyone. As the rest of the gang began to take them into the living room to arrange them under the tree for later Buffy opened the large envelope, inside were four smaller envelopes. There was one for Xander and Anya, one for Tara and Willow, one for Dawn, and one for Buffy. She joined the others in the living room and handed them out. They all just sat there staring at their envelopes and each other.  
  
Buffy finally opened hers. She read silently for a few seconds, then a tear slipped down her cheek. As she continued to read more tears fell. Just as the gang was beginning to become alarmed she clutched the letter to her chest. Then a smile to rival the sun broke out on her face.  
  
"I think it's good news Xander," Anya stated. "Open ours. I want to know what's going on."  
  
Xander ripped open the envelope and pulled out a letter...  
  
Dear Anya and Xander,  
  
Happy holidays! May this letter find you happy and healthy.  
  
I just wanted to tell you how proud I am of the persons you have both become. I have been blessed to have you in my life. You both are the type of dear friends that someone could spend a lifetime looking for and never find. I thank my lucky stars that you found me.  
  
I also want to thank you for taking such excellent care of my girls and being such good friends to them. You will never know how much that meant to me.  
  
As I am sure you have already discovered, my other packages contain Christmas presents for all of you. I am entrusting you with the duty to distribute them Christmas morning. Yes Anya, you MUST wait until Christmas morning. Not Christmas Eve! Remember... patience!  
  
God Bless.  
Love,  
  
Giles  
  
*-*-*-*-*-*  
  
Dear Willow and Tara,  
  
Blessed Winter Solstice, Happy Hanukkah, and Merry Christmas!  
  
There I think I covered all possibilities.   
  
I just wanted to be sure to send my season greetings to two of the sweetest and gentlest souls it has been my goo fortune to know. I was very happy to learn that you were working your problems out. I am gratified to have been a small part of the process. A happy and healthy Willow and Tara has the added benefit of keeping those around you happy as well.  
  
The holidays may sometimes be difficult, especially if there are great distances separating loved ones. I am charging you to with a bit of Light Magic to share with our friends.  
  
Love,  
  
Giles  
  
Each young woman held a smaller envelope with their name on it, in their hands. At the same time they opened the flap and blew a small puff inside. A glittery, glowy dust floated up and swirled around the room. As the dust landed on each occupant of the room, a sense of peace and well being settle over them. It was not a false feeling, but rather a change in perspective. Inside they all let go of the struggle with things they could not change and instead recognized and held close to their hearts, the joy of all the good things they had in their lives.  
  
*-*-*-*-*-*  
  
Dear Buffy,  
  
Oh my dear girl! How did we end up here? I blame myself, you blame yourself, we blame the Powers that be... but that fact remains that blame is irrelevant, that we are not together is important. It is important and wrong. Through assumption and misinterpretation we both reached the wrong conclusions which led to our separation. Because we are, as you would say, so challenged in the communicating thing it has taken much too long to correct.  
  
That has to stop.   
  
You are singularly the most important person in the world to me. I have dedicated my life to you. Not because of duty, but by choice. Because I love you. Not as a daughter, not as a friend although you are my best friend, but as the other half of my heart. I miss you terribly Buffy. Not a day goes by that I don't ache for the sound of your laugh, the light of your smile, your quirky sense of humor, or just your nearness. To show how badly I am smitten, I even miss the slaying.   
  
I was wrong to leave you. You were right, I should have tried harder to find out what was bothering you. I should have tried again after finding out where you had been. Please forgive me. I have no excuse but can only explain by telling you that I too was very confused and hurt during that time. I had really just realized what you meant to me when I lost you and when you returned and seemed so distant I allowed my hurt feelings cloud my judgement. Once again I ask that forgive me.  
  
You have come a long way since I left. I am so proud of you. That you had to accomplish this on you own and with so much pain is a regret I will carry with me always. I should have been there with you to help you. To share with you. You must believe that I never, ever, thought of you as a burden. If I have had to give anything up, I did it gladly because of all that I have gained. Like you I was never destined for a `normal' life. I would not know what to do with one if I had one.  
  
My leaving was hard for me too. As I said before I miss you terribly. I had thought it would get better once I got home and resettled myself into my life here. It did not. I have discovered that England is no longer home and that my life is not here anymore. As trite as it may sound home is where my heart is, and my life is with where my friends, family, and loved ones are.  
  
I hope I am not too late dearest Buffy. I want to come home.  
  
I am coming home.  
  
All my love always,  
  
Giles  
  
*-*-*-*-*-*  
  
Dearest Peanut,  
  
You are an evil, wicked, wonderful, loving child. I hope you know how much I love you. I will never tell your sister what you did, but I will always be grateful that you did. Reading her letter was the catalyst that made me see the truth. Of how we both feel and where I belong.  
  
Now do me a favor...  
  
Go open the front door, it's cold out here.  
  
Love,  
  
Giles  
  
  
  
*-*-*-*-*-*-*  
  
Epilogue  
  
All heads turned towards Dawn as she squealed and ran out of the room. Buffy got up and moved to the hallway to see what was going on The gang followed. Dawn was fumbling with the lock and door handle, her hands clumsy in her excitement. Finally she got it and swung the door open.  
  
Snow fell softly behind him. The porch light gave an almost magical glow that made him seem like an illusion. Not waiting for an invitation he stepped into the house, placed his suitcase on the floor, and firmly closed the door.  
  
As the shocked silence continued, Giles' began to fidget. He looked around at his family, looking for some sign of welcome. As he made eye contact with each of his friends he only saw happiness and relief. Dawn launched herself into his arms and attempted to squeeze the stuffing out of him. He returned the hug with equal force. She finally released him and took a step back. No longer able to put it off he tentatively cast his gaze to his Slayer. Had he been wrong? Did he assume too much? Was he too late?  
  
Their eyes locked and Buffy slowly walked up to him, not stopping until she was within touching distance.  
  
"Buf..." she stopped whatever Giles had been about to say by pressing her fingers to his lips. Her fingers then mapped every one of his beloved features before settling in the hair at the nape of his neck. With her other hand she held up his letter.  
  
"Did you mean it?"  
  
"Every word, with all my heart." He said, everything he felt in his eyes. "Do you forgive me?"  
  
"Before you even asked. I love you, how could I not? Just don't ever leave me again."  
  
"Never again."  
  
The spell was broken when Dawn piped up with, "You guys aren't going to get all gross and start kissing now are you?"  
  
"As a matter of fact, I really hope so, Brat!" answered Buffy.  
  
"Ewww, I'll be traumatized, Pain."  
  
"Yes, well, we'll try to control ourselves until we are alone. Is that all right with you, Peanut?"  
  
"Peanut?" asked Buffy as her eyebrow started to creep up toward her hairline.  
  
"Peanut?" chorused the Scoobies, no small amount of humor in their voices.  
  
"Giles!!!" whined Dawn.  
  
  
END 


End file.
